If like me, you were consumed all over the summer with the one and only love island you will be aware of Megan Barton Hanson. Even if you didn’t watch love island, she is hard to avoid, she is all over social media, continuously followed by the paparazzi and unless you have been living under a rock for the past 6 months you will for sure have a vague idea who she is.
The past couple of weeks she has appeared more and more, largely due to her break up with Wes Nelson, who is currently competing on Dancing on ice (with a very beautiful partner).
The reason I am writing this blog post is due to the fact I have been watching her the past few weeks as she is coming to terms with her break up and at first, I thought how can this girl behave the way she is knowing full well that she is in the spot light? Does she not have a friend, a mum, a colleague anyone around her to say ‘Girl… think about what you are doing and saying, you’re starting to look like you are losing the plot, where is your self-respect?’.
And then it dawned on me, quite literally last night. The way Megan is behaving, is how 90% of us behave when your relationship comes to an end. Haven’t we all been there? In that situation were you feel so completely out of control of all your emotions? Hell, I am going through this right now and it is the WORST feeling I have ever experienced, mainly down to the fact I thought I was past all of this, I thought I had gone through these emotions, and most of all I thought I had dealt with this heartache. But hey, turns out I hadn’t at all.
But I’m human right? This is normal, I am not the first and I sure as hell will not be the last person to act out complete heartache with anger, frustration and complete insane behaviour.
I started to look at Megan in a different light, she is acting out, she is desperately trying to portray to the world that she’s good, she doesn’t need a man etc, but I doubt deep down that is how she is genuinely feeling.
And haven’t we all been there?
I thought about the different stages you go through after a break up:
Ah, if only this phase lasted. You know the one, you wake up feeling good, you feel this is the best decision ever. You amaze those around you, you fool yourself as well. You feel great, positive, ready to take on the world. You go out, you throw on as much make up as possible to mask the fact you have cried for 2 weeks solid, you throw up 20 selfies just to show the world hey I am amazing, look how great I look.
Unfortunately, this phase never lasts long.
This is by far the worst period after a break up, it feels like there has been a death. You find it hard to function, even the most mundane of tasks you struggle with. You don’t want to speak to anyone, no one other than that person is of any interest. You under eat, you over eat, you get drunk, you listen to the most depressing love songs you can think of – anything to take away the gaping hole you feel you have in your heart. You over think everything you did, you forget any of the bad times and focus on the good and god does it hurt. You block, unblock, you stalk every piece of social media and make yourself feel worse and worse until you feel like your heart will explode. And worst of all, you start to act completely insane. You send messages you wish you could erase, you say things out of hurt and anger and you lose all the respect you had for yourself.
Anything, anything to feel better. You try anything to keep that person in your life.
I went through a break up after a ten year relationship and experienced both of the above phases, and then I don’t even know how or why or what changed (or even how long it took) but I started to realise a whole morning had gone by and I hadn’t thought of him, I hadn’t checked his social media, he hadn’t even popped into my brain and gradually that half a day would turn into a full day which then turned into a week and so on. He was no longer clogging my mind with desperate thoughts.
It was by far one of the hardest things to accept. It was over, he was no longer a part of my life. Those memories we had made? They were just that, memories. The future I thought we would have? It would no longer happen.
If I’m honest it took me a lot longer to get over than I thought it would, mainly down to the fact he had moved on a lot quicker than I had.
And this time around? It is taking a lot longer than I anticipated, it is so much harder than I ever imagined. The past two days I have struggled, struggled so so much to even function. I have said and done things I would one million percent take back, mainly because I know a lot of the time, I have looked like I have completely lost my mind. And maybe I have, maybe that’s what makes me human?
I just know I look at Megan in a different light.
After all, she is just a girl trying to get over a boy who she loved very much.
And who hasn’t felt like that at some point?