I’ve been single now for what feels like forever and one question I hate being asked is ‘have you not met anyone yet’ and I feel like shoving my head in the oven, but I don’t I just respond with a smile and gritted teeth ‘No, but that’s fine.’
Because being single gets a bad rep sometimes.
But why do we see being single as a bad thing? Why do we think all those people in relationships are happy?
I wanted to go into 2020 full of life and positivity and hopes for the future and if I’m completely honest that flopped massively and I’m 8 weeks in wondering why do I feel so unhappy?
Life gets hard sometimes, it can challenge us to the point of breaking point.
I know we all go through difficult and testing times and for me I know I focus way too much on why I’m single and whether I am ever going to meet someone and be able to love again, when really I should see being single as the opportunity that it really is.
That’s why I attended the ‘How to be successfully single’ workshop last Sunday with life coach Chelsi Halewood.
In this 3-hour workshop we talked about Chelsi’s rules and concepts including raising your standards, knowing your worth and most importantly loving yourself first. I didn’t know what to expect at all and thought it would be mainly Chelsi doing the talking, it wasn’t.
It challenged me to a much deeper level than I realised and has been on my mind ever since. With different modules to work through I realised how differently I viewed myself to perhaps 3 years ago. Pushing myself to really delve into how and why I do and feel the things I do has given me a lot of food for thought and I know I will be working through this booklet for sometime yet.
In one of the sections I was asked to name three things I liked about myself and to say I struggled was an understatement, at first I could not think of one thing, and I know why, because my self-worth and how I view myself is pretty low. However, after working through the booklet and talking it through with other likeminded women I felt a shift in how I felt. I’m not saying one three hour session will cure all, but it hasn’t definitely given me a focus, and has taught me that it’s totally okay to be single right now, because really if I don’t love myself how can I expect anyone else too?
I was lucky enough to catch up with Chelsi for a Q&A, where she talks about her own journey.
Tell us a bit about yourself, how did you end up with the concept behind your brand?
I discovered coaching in 2016 and instantly fell in love with it. At the time I was doing my Legal Practice Course and was focussed on getting a training contract. People laugh when I tell them I cried my way into university but that’s what I did, I didn’t get accepted into any university so I called my first choice, got them to give me an interview and I walked out with a place on their Law LLB course. Because of this I always believed people can achieve anything they put their mind to and coaching gave me the tools to share with people to help them do this. Early on in my coaching journey I knew I wanted to use the tools to empower young women and to show them that they can do anything they want to do, they just have to decide what that is and go for it. But once I got into coaching and hired a coach myself I quickly realised that the coaching industry wasn’t what I expected, there were a lot of coaches selling to other coaches on ‘How to become a coach’, after a few months I started to question this and when I decided I wanted to change my program that I was ready to launch (the program was to help businesses in the beauty industry), to something more personal that would help people in their day to day lives, my own coach couldn’t help me because this wasn’t part of her 6 week program. I didn’t want to be one of those coaches who charged thousands of pounds for a coaching program but couldn’t truly help people with what they really needed help with. Around this time I was also going through a break up which inspired How To Be Successfully Single. The title and the main 5 rules that I talk about in the workshop popped into my mind within minutes and I had a basic concept for How To Be Successfully Single. I ran a 5 day challenge in my Facebook group and I had so many people join the group just to watch the challenge. But after it was over I didn’t really know where to go with it from there, so I did nothing. I started to feel a bit lost with my coaching because I couldn’t see how I could bridge the gap with providing something of value and charging the right price for it. I felt like this was something I should be offering for free. I got a promotion at work and shortly after I met my current ex who is my baby girl’s father. The whole relationship was a whirlwind, I had doubts at the beginning but it moved too fast for me to really explore them, I got pregnant really early in the relationship and we moved in together. Things just kept getting worse and worse. It was quite an abusive relationship, mainly mental and emotional abuse but sometimes violent. I never thought I’d find myself in this situation and I knew I had to get myself out for myself, but most importantly for my baby. so I left at 5 months pregnant. Now looking back, I failed every rule I’d wrote in How To Be Successfully Single, but now I know how important they really are because I’ve seen what can happen when you let the little things go in a relationship or ignore the warning signs. With everything that happened during and after the relationship I wasn’t focussed on my coaching business, but I’d never stopped studying coaching and I know that what I’d learned got me through this. I do believe everything happens for a reason and now the concept behind the brand comes from this experience. I decided on the name Girl Talk because it represents the conversations we avoid having, we don’t like to talk about domestic abuse and I want to use the brand to raise awareness of this but in a positive way. The name is also fun and I want people to have fun but also be aware of the early signs of these relationships. I’m trying to find the right balance with this. This helped me find my passion for coaching again and this time the ideas for how I wanted to set up the business just kept flowing. I knew I wanted to teach in person so running workshops was the best option, and I knew I wanted to keep the prices low so that they were accessible to anyone. I felt like there was so much that I still wanted to teach people so I created two more workshops – Success Mindset to help people achieve their goals and overcome any limiting beliefs or fears that could get in their way, and Manifest Your Dream Life to teach people the secrets of the Law of Attraction.
What do you offer?
Coaching workshops. One2one coaching sessions based on the workshops but so people have the option to talk through the questions and get more guidance (these will be released in March) this is also a good option is people live to far to attend a workshop as these sessions can be done online. Workbooks if people would like to download the workbooks that are used in the workshops to complete them in their own time, this is also a good option for people if they live too far to attend a workshop.
Who inspires you?
Tony Robbins, he’s overcome real struggles in his life and how he can change a persons outlook on their life within seconds in amazing. Marie Forleo, I just love her energy and I’ve learned so much from her for coaching. Oprah Winfrey, I just love her podcast, it gets me through the days I’m at work and I learn so much from the people she interviews about spirituality and coaching.
What is your greatest achievement?
My daughter, and finding the courage to run workshops, my biggest fear has always been public speaking.
What advice would you give to young girls who are struggling with self worth?
You are unique, no one else thinks how you think, no one else has the ideas or thoughts you have. And because of this you’re so worthy of everything you want. Find your uniqueness and honour it. Don’t hide it because your uniqueness is where your confidence lies.
What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago?
Stop being so focussed on wanting to be in a relationship, enjoy the time you have to yourself.
How do you stay motivated and positive?
Everyday I write in my journal at least 3 things I’m grateful for and at least 3 affirmations. When times seem hard I remind myself that it will pass and I look for the lessons I need to learn. I try to remember that the Universe always has my back and I can ask for help at any time.
What are your ‘daily struggles’ and how do you overcome them?
Sometimes I think I’m too ambitious, I can’t rest unless I’m going after what I want. I know that this is a good thing but sometimes I wish I could slow down, be happy with working a normal job and enjoy the little free time I have to relax. But I know I’d never forgive myself if in 10 years time if I did this.
What’s next for you?
Firstly, to grow my following and hope that I bring value to people. Within the next year I’d like to be running workshops around the country and be able to take this business full time. Within the next 5 years I’d like to release the How To Be Successfully Single book.
You can find out more about Chelsi and her workshops by visiting her website and Instagram below and you can also purchase the booklet that I worked through via the shop.