I had a thought yesterday… maybe it’s a good thing it’s taking me so long to get over him.
I am not afraid to hold my hands up and say I am not over him.
I am not healed.
I could continue to lie to those around me and say yes, I’m good, everything is fine. But I can only do that for so long before the cracks start to show, and I feel those feelings that are so great they wash over my body like a tidal wave.
But you know, there is nothing wrong with feeling this way, nothing wrong for still wondering about him, even though he hurt you more than you ever thought he ever would. Because really, everybody heals differently.
And its okay if you’re not ready to put yourself back out there yet, and equally if you are there’s nothing wrong with that either because we all heal at our own pace and in our own way.
Why do we pressure ourselves to feel a certain way? Pressure ourselves to move on quickly like it is a race.
No one should be made to feel badly if they’re not coping, if they’re having bad days. That’s normal.
I know why I’m not over it, I’m not because he mattered to me, I felt that connection with him and just because he’s no longer there doesn’t mean that disappeared, it didn’t.
My heart is hurting but at one point it felt as if it were soaring.
Maybe it was a good thing that I loved? That I was capable of loving someone in a completely different way to anyone before.
I am proud of that.
Proud that I was capable of loving someone so wholeheartedly.
Is there a silver lining to heartbreak?
Maybe that silver lining is what you learn, not just about love but what you learn about yourself.
The right person is out there for me I know that, maybe I will meet him soon, maybe it will take longer I don’t know.
But what I do know is it is perfectly okay to not feel ready.
And don’t let anyone tell you any differently.
Heal in your own time and at your own pace.